I’ll take the sporty
blonde for 200, please.
As many of you may remember from The Baby Photo DatingStory, I started seeing someone who was “not my type.” I hemmed and hawed for a
bit when we were just friends about taking things to the next level. Having
mentioned that Five Eleven wasn’t my type while talking with My Sister the
Pharmacist at the time, she gave me the best tidbit imaginable. She said,
“Well, dating your type obviously isn’t working for you, is it?” Whoa. So true.
But, you know, Five Eleven is my type. She has all the characteristics of the perfect woman
and perfect partner that I’ve always wanted. She’s caring and loving. Romantic,
funny, sweet. She’s helpful, smart, sexy, creative, thoughtful, handy…and on
and on. Plus, she’s absolutely crazy about me. What’s not to love and what’s
not my type?
 |
| Kinda like Einstein's quote on the definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Dating the same type can feel like Insanity. |
Just because she didn’t fit into my typical physical
what-I-was-attracted-to-before traits, I almost lost out on the best thing I’ve
ever had. I used to tend towards the more sporty, feminine-edged lesbians. Not
the girly, feminine girls either (those aren’t my type). Very rarely did I do a
double take at a Boi or more Butchy-edged lesbian with the thought of perhaps
dating. When we were “just friends,” I even told Five Eleven several times that
she wasn’t my type. Dang, what a heartbreaker I was…
So, lately, I’ve been repeatedly giving this “not-my-type”
advice to several friends. One of which is a straight friend who wasn’t having
much luck dating in the last several years. I think she has finally got it!
She’s dating a guy closer in her age range (though she doesn’t look her age).
This weeded out the ones who don’t know what they want or the ones with young
kids which she doesn’t want to do anymore. Responsible, working men who may not
own their own companies and several houses will be there to lavish more
attention on her which is her type. They also can spend time cuddling on the
couch watching sporting events like she likes to do.
We are all so quick to judge people based on what they look
like on the outside. That’s why shows like The Voice have come into play. You
only initially judge the singer on their voice versus seeing who you’re
listening to which may actually influence you.
I think that’s where I lucked out with Five Eleven. We
started talking long-distance just as friends. I fell in love with her from the
inside out. Now, when I see her, or when she sends a pic to my phone, my
insides just melt. She is so physically my type.
So, I think there should be a new, reality dating show
called “Not My Type.” Find out what people want in a partner. Find out what
their type is…what are they looking for in a relationship? If it’s blue-eyed,
blonde-haired movie star look, see what about that is absolutely necessary. If
they’re looking for someone who is funny and who loves country music, cooking
at home together and mountain biking, how is the blonde hair and chiseled jaw
going to help that? Seriously?
Maybe start them off just talking on the phone for several
“dates?” You can tell a lot by the sound of someone’s voice. Does their voice
irritate the heck out of you? Intrigue you? Excite you? Calm you? (I told Five
Eleven that she had a sexy voice the first time I heard her…even as friends).
And, hey, how about what they actually say? Do you connect
with them? Have things in common? Do you like how they think? What do they want
in a relationship? What have they had? How would they change things? What kind
of future do they see for themselves? Does your conversation flow? Do you
always have things to talk about? Are the quiet moments okay?
Those should be the things that really matter. Those
connections and similarities make someone our type. Yes, physical traits and
chemistry play a part. If you’re active and tend towards the athletic, you’ll
hear how they run or hike in the stories they tell. And, if they aren’t in top
physical shape, but would like to be more active again, you’ll have something
to do together if that’s important to you. Just be honest.
Being truly honest is required. No cat-fishing allowed. (See
that’s where the physical stuff comes into play more so than who they really
are). You can’t lie and say you like something or you like to do something when
you have no real interest in it. You need commonalities and knowledge up front.
At least the realization of them. Don’t waste everyone’s time. You can have
differences, of course, but some likes have to be there.
Are there things that Five Eleven and I don’t have in
common? Yes. For one thing, I love the ocean and swimming. She doesn’t. At all.
Will that work? Yes. She likes the beach and the outdoors. She can watch me
boogie board or one day surf in the big waves and I can resuscitate her from
her panic when I come back to shore. She can free-climb cliffs or repel down
rock faces while it’s my turn to panic from down below (there’s no way I’m
hanging off the top of a cliff to watch her). Important thing is we’ll be
together in nature, which we both love. Thank goodness she is my type.
So, on this reality show, after the face-to-face date, when
this “not-my-type” person turns out to be brown-haired and brown-eyed, is that
really a deal breaker from everything you learned about them? What if they are
the same height as you and you say your type is taller? Why do we have so many
pre-conceived notions of what we want physically? Have those physical traits
made a difference in your relationship before? Did it work out for you?
Obviously not if you’re out looking again. What if this person who doesn’t fit
your “type” turns out to be the most amazing partner, lover and friend? Would
have been a shame to pass them up just because they weren’t blonde, huh? So,
maybe it’s time to start making some real, life-lasting connections instead?
Then, “Not My Type” just might become My Type.
Are you with someone
who wasn’t your type? What makes for a good partner? Please share
below!
@Ybbeige
Erica Harding finds someone who wasn’t her type in this
novel, Unexpectations.
