Coming Together

Today is one of those days where I feel like everything is coming together for me. In my personal life and with my book. I like days like this. Days where I feel like I’ve put so much positive energy and positive thought into what I want that I actually can manifest anything. On days like this, I can’t help but smile. And smile some more.

The book update is that the publisher is shipping me the complimentary copies (all five of them) of my first novel, Unexpectations. I should get them in the next week or two they said. I’m hoping sooner. Seems like that’s just pony express-type delivery. What about priority mail? I can’t wait to actually feel one in my hands. I know they aren’t hard-bound, but they are a real book. I’ve seen the style that’ll be in the interior. I’ve seen the front and back cover designs. I’m trying to imagine it as one cohesive unit. One cohesive book. My dream all put together.

When I receive them, if they look okay, I’ll immediately put in an order so I can send copies out to my friends who want them autographed. Seems funny to me that people want my autograph, but I’ve always thought it was cool to have a book signed by an author too.

Today, I was also able to proof and edit my press release. This is what will go out to hundreds of different media outlets to let them know about my book. I tweaked a few words in it. I wasn’t crazy about the publisher’s description of my book being “utterly heartbreaking and wildly exotic.” Hard to picture a New England setting as exotic. I changed that to “utterly heartbreaking and wildly captivating.” Unless they meant erotic as a friend suggested? Don’t worry…this novel isn’t in that genre though it does contain several sex scenes. (I’ll have to talk about how it was writing those sometime…more difficult than you’d think!).

Everything is just feeling good for me. I wish that on everyone else I know too. I’m all about positive thinking. Don’t look at what is wrong in your life. Look at what is right. I’m certain everything will be shifting to all good if we can keep thinking that way. And, all of our lives will have that coming-together feeling. It just feels right that way.

A Little More Green

My youngest daughter and I just watched the film, An Inconvenient Truth: A Global Warning. I know, I know…the movie, by Al Gore, has been out since 2006. Somehow I never got around to seeing it. But, it caught my eye on the shelves of limited dvds from our local library. I’m so glad that I did see it. And so is my ten year old.

I think I wished I had seen it sooner now, though. With the photographs and data that Gore showed on global warming, the impact of CO₂ emissions and glacial melt, I’m sure much has even changed in the last five years on our planet. What we watched was downright scary at times. Little one said that parts of it made her sad. I’m sad that I haven’t had the opportunity to travel much and see parts of our world in the state they had been in. Who knows what another five years will bring?

It is kind of scary to think what mankind has done to our planet. Especially in the last 50 years. I have always been a lover of the outdoors and nature. I actually worked in the non-profit environmental field for almost ten years. In that time, I saw how difficult it was to change, sway, affect, educate, do whatever I could do, to help protect a brook that ran through a city of 43,000 people.

I admire Al Gore for what he’s doing. He’s had the tenacity to stand by what he believes in…in protecting our earth for as long as he has (and he’s been at it for a while). He’s trying to spread the word, like I was doing, but on a global level…to millions and even billions of people. And I thought trying to reach 43,000 was like pulling teeth at times. I wonder how he feels?

With this work, sometimes there is thanks. In 1999, I won a Watershed Award for the work I had done in promoting environmental education and stewardship. My competition for the award? Al Gore. The same man, that won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007 for his environmental work. Not too shabby, I’d say.

I haven’t given up hope and I still try my best to protect the environment though I’m not in a visible, public role anymore. Without being too preachy, I’d recommend that everyone watch An Inconvenient Truth. If you saw it in 2006, watch it again. It’s an eye-opener for families too. We had lots of times where we’d pause the movie and discuss a question or issue that came up in it. At the end of the film, there are real suggestions of what we, as individuals, can do. They also suggest checking out their website http://www.climatecrisis.net/ that gives more tips. Little one and I checked out our carbon footprint on it vs. the national average (it’s “much smaller” by the way).

We are all on this fast track forward of accomplishing goals in our own lives. But, without a sound and stable planet, what’s the point? If we can all do little things, they will add up to make a big impact. I want to be a part of that. I want it for my kids. I want it for my grandkids. I want it for all of us. We are all pink on the inside. There’s no reason why we can’t be a little more green on the outside.

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Oh my gosh…Saturday is coming up so fast. I have two days to get myself into shape to run the Warrior Dash. It’s a “3.02 hellish mile race.” I don’t think I’ve ever run more than a mile at a time in my life and that was in 19…something or other.

Fighting asthma and just no desire to go out and run for pleasure (well, I do have to say that I’ve been enjoying running barefoot on the beach lately…), I don’t know what I was thinking signing up for this thing.

Well, I was thinking warrior medal, t-shirt, fuzzy hat with horns and a beer at the end included in the entry fee. Yea, I’m mostly in it for the hat and the beer. I figured that the 3.02 hellish miles would be broken up with fun distractions such as climbing through mud under barbed wire, going up a muddy slope, sliding down a muddy slope, climbing a wooden wall, going through hundreds of tires, jumping over old cars and trucks, fighting my way through a tangle of ropes and leaping over fire. Then, I get the beer and the hat.

The other thing is that so many people just do it for the fun of it. To me, that sounds like fun. Yea, if you want to win a better quality fuzzy hat with horns, you can go all out. I’m doing it for fun with friends.

One friend and I decided last night that we were going to dress in crazy outfits (you can win prizes for that). We were thinking tube socks, old 70s gym shorts, tight t-shirts and head bands. As a last minute thing, I couldn’t find 70s shorts…but I found some short shorts that have a similar look. Not as cheesy as my 70s kid days, but reminiscent. The shirts turned into white tank tops that we are thinking of painting something on them.

I tried the outfit on today. It looks very Juno to me…you know the boys running in the movie? And the shorts are…well, very short. I’m not so sure I can pull them off as well as my fit and younger counter-part. But, I’m going to give it a try. I’m going to take the risk and wear something crazy in public.

Obviously I added this picture after the fact. Taken towards the end of the course.
We are still smiling.
If you get a chance to run the Warrior Dash, I highly suggest it.
Just be sure to wear short shorts.
The mud will weigh you down.
www.warriordash.com 

Wow! Maybe this is my alter ego? Whatever it is, it’s daring, it’s fun. It’s good to break out every now and then from who we are (or who we’ve gotten comfortable being) and just go out and wear some short shorts.

Please share something about yourself that was totally unlike you.

Having Faith...But With a Backup Plan

I had surgery today. A D&C and an endometrial ablation. To help with women stuff…basically to lighten or eliminate my periods.

When I discussed the procedure with my ob/gyn, she told me that I’d be knocked out – put under general anesthesia. I said I didn’t want that. I was under general anesthesia years ago for a laparoscopy and I hated how long it took to come out of it and then the hours and hours of nausea that followed it. I knew I could do this procedure with only local anesthesia. I didn’t know how I knew it, but I knew it.

In the past few weeks, there were many phone calls back and forth between us. She consulted with the anesthesiologist who would be at my surgery. No one has ever had the procedure done with just a local, she said, including herself.

I kept saying I was different. I don’t do Novocaine at the dentist. I have a high pain tolerance level. Won’t they just let me try? It was finally decided that they’d let me try the procedure my way if I agreed to sign papers that said if they thought I looked like I was in too much pain and would compromise the surgery that they could put me out. I agreed to that.

So, I changed and got wheeled into the surgical room. I had my headphones on with Yo-Yo Ma playing Bach. I did end up listening to it quietly with only one ear covered so that I could still hear the doctors talking to me and so I could also give them feedback.

The weirdest part of the surgery was being strapped up in stirrups with four people around me. They said they thought nothing of that. Okay. I got a shot of lidocaine and then the four shots for the local block in my uterus. I felt a slight pressure poke. She did end up giving me a fifth shot in my upper left side because I felt a little bit more when she went in to test my tolerance. My doctor thought it was interesting how I described things. Some things felt “wiggly.” The D & C part was “tickly.” I thought the coolest part was when they put a camera inside me and I got to see the inside of my uterus including where my fallopian tubes opened up into it. I wouldn’t have been able to experience that if I wasn’t awake.

Next came the balloon that got attached inside me and filled up with boiling water. That circulated inside me for ten minutes. Didn’t really feel it until they drained the water back out. That was a bit warm then.

And, then, that was it. My doctor took credit for her awesome block. The anesthesiologist told me that I was just “wired differently” than most other people. He didn’t think most people could do what I just did. I felt like some super hero. I don’t know how I did what I did. I just knew that I could do what I did.

I think by doing the surgery with just a local that it opened their eyes, too, to what the human body is capable of. I thanked the doctors for having faith in me. For letting me try it my way. They had faith in me and I had faith in me…even though we had a backup plan. Just in case. Not a bad way to go about anything in life.

Proof Pages

This week I got the proof pages of the interior of my book emailed to me from the publisher. It was my entire book in the layout of what I approved from a few sample pages less than 2 weeks ago. And, it’s the layout of what the final book will look like. Can I say that I am totally excited?

I have my own ISBN number! There is the blurb about this book being a work of fiction and anything similar to real persons or events is purely coincidental. Yea, we’ll go with that.

One part that makes me totally smile when I think about it, is seeing my name at the top of every other page and the name of the novel, Unexpectations, at the top of the other pages. I guess since I wrote this and had the thought of publishing it, I never thought of seeing that. It wasn’t something that even went through my head. Yea, my name on the cover, but not on every other page! Some books are formatted like that. Some aren’t. I’ll go with it.

There are still so many steps in getting this book out. I’m trying to be as patient as possible. I made it through the “quiet, anxious stage” as my contact at the publishing house described it. But, I’m still a bit anxious.

One of the things I’m most looking forward to seeing is the cover art. I gave them a photo to incorporate along with some ideas. My example looked like it would make for a great wedding invitation. I told them not to make it look like that. But, I want it to appeal to women (that’s the main audience this book is geared towards, but I’ll welcome any and all readers!). I also told them I wanted something unexpected on the cover. I hope it goes with what’s inside. I’m creative but not that creative to do the cover design myself.

This is the photo that I uploaded to use for the cover art.
It's one of my mom's orchids. Very Georgia O'Keefe.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that it is a real book in the making. I’m sure that as far as the excitement goes surrounding it, I’ll always have that. Because I have that about writing in general. Yea, I’ll go with it.

In Our Own Little Worlds

Life is so different for all of us. We tend to get caught up in our own little worlds and we don’t know what is happening to all those around us. Well, in a general sense, yes. But, on a more micro-scale, no.

As I drove to work today, I had my new (to me) Katie Herzig Apple Tree album cranking in the car. My windows were down. Temperatures were in the low 70s. I got a solid night’s sleep. All was good in my world.

I looked around at other drivers. I didn’t really see anyone looking as happy as I was (it was before 8 a.m….) I saw a lot of sleep- or caffeine- deprived people with blank stares. One man in a pickup truck took the longest, deepest drag from his cigarette that I had ever seen outside of the movies. As if it was his last ever. His eyes were looking off to the side, but not looking at anything physically around him. He had some serious thoughts going on in his head. But, of what?

Do we really want or need to know what everyone else is doing or thinking or going through? Sometimes, I find it fascinating to watch people. To create a life’s scenario for them in my own head. Can we really imagine what any particular person is going through at that very moment?

My mind goes to one person, one family, who is experiencing something I never would have imagined for them. My cousin’s son was brought to the hospital last week. Thirteen years old. Having a non-stop tic storm from his recent (only a few years) diagnosis of Tourette Syndrome.

I was going about my weekend. Happy as a clam. Yard saling. Finding my new bike. My cousin sat in the hospital 600 miles away with her son in intensive care. I soaked up the sun on a 17-mile bike ride and then at the beach where I went on my first swim of the season in the ocean that was at a balmy Maine 60 degrees and then I went to a neighbor’s for a cookout. My cousin’s son had a brain bleed. I snuggled into my bed with my newest book to read, Illusions by Richard Bach. My cousin’s son was being taken off the ventilator. I went to work with my tunes cranking. My cousin’s son had five brain bleeds and she was told he probably had a mini stroke. I’m feeling warmth, energy, vitality, love. My cousin is feeling pain, sadness, anxiety, anguish, worry. I’m getting ready for bed in the quiet comfort of my home as I write this. She’s worried sick about the outcome of her son, one of a set of twins. Spending countless hours in the hospital.

Every day, we are all truly on different journeys at the same time. I think it would help to be more compassionate and empathetic towards others and realize that not every journey or day is an easy one. When someone does something that ticks you off in traffic or perhaps they aren’t as friendly at work or in the store checkout line like you think they ought to be, think that maybe all isn’t right in their world. Maybe give them a smile and send good energy their way. And, in that moment, give thanks and appreciate all the good things that you have in yours.

Ten Speed Relationships

I bought an old ten-speed bike at a yard sale for ten dollars yesterday. I’ve been wanting a road bike for a while but I just don’t have the budget right now for what would be considered a decent entry level bike (been told I’d need at least an aluminum frame with carbon forks and stays - well over $1,000). My new bike is steel. And, it’s in my budget. I just know that riding on it will be different than my huge-tired, shock-absorbing (hence more work with less speed) mountain bike.

The whole bike thing got me to thinking about this bike as a metaphor for relationships.

My retro, red Ross roadbike.

We have all been in love relationships that can be like this bike. First there’s that initial choice of getting the bike or getting into a relationship. The desire has to be there. It was late in the day (in yard sale terms) when I spied it on the side of the road amongst the other treasures (or junk) that these people were selling. I couldn’t even tell you what else they had there - just that there was a lot of stuff. My eyes went right to this bike. How many other people passed it over? What didn’t they see in it that I did? Why was I seeing such potential?

Right off, the smooth, red finish of this Ross attracted me to it. When you see someone for the first time, we have (or don’t have) an attraction. I think that it is really important to have that physical attraction in a relationship. Next, I noticed that the frame was straight and solid. What a perfect thing to base everything on!

With closer inspection, I could see some slight rust on the chain and here and there. That’s probably because it hasn’t had any TLC in a little while. But, that’s purely cosmetic. Adds character if it doesn’t get scrubbed off. And, I'm good at giving TLC.

The brakes didn’t work, though they were intact. But the pads still looked and felt fine. Probably just some cables then that need to be replaced. Relationship wise? Maybe it’s with someone that hasn’t put on the brakes in a while to take time out to be in a solid relationship? Sometimes we ride from relationship to relationship. Always looking, always seeking. When we finally get in our mind that we’re in a good thing, we can gently apply the brakes and stay for a good, long while.

The walls of the tires had dry rot on them and they were basically flat. But, when we put air in them at the bike shop I took it to, they filled right up and stayed filled allowing me to test ride it. Like the first few dates perhaps? All might not be perfect, but you can go for a good ride if it does work…and that’s the journey of life together. The wheels were almost true and the rims didn’t seem to have any flat spots. That’s what makes a person go. Important to be capable of moving ahead in life without too many bumps – or at least going ahead smoothly through them.

The shifters and derailleurs were all quality, known parts and they seemed to work fine. When each person in a relationship has experiences that can add to each other’s lives and the way they deal with things, I see that as positive. To have the ability to shift or work through things in varying degrees of speed is good – well, especially just having the potential for it there.

The pedals on my new bike were fine by old pedal standards. What comes on most normal-run-of-the-mill bikes. I’m choosing to put on new $60 pedals that I can just clip my bike shoes into. I had the same ones on my mountain bike when I got that 7 or 8 years ago. I had taken them off because they seemed so different. I had been used to riding with cages for almost 20 years instead of clips. But, I was finding as of late, the cages on my mountain bike weren’t working for me either like they had in the past. My shoes would get caught on the pedals as I’d go in and out. I didn’t have the same pedal stroke power like I had with the clips. So, I put the clip pedals back on my mountain bike yesterday too. It’s going to take a bit to get used to riding with them. But, like in relationships, if one type isn’t working for you (why are we always drawn to the same type of person?), why not try something completely different?

So, overall, I have a new-old bike that I’m really excited about. The things it needs to make it decent are fairly minor, but important. That’s talking and communication. I have a great looking frame as a base that is solid and easy on the eyes. That’s like having an attractive woman in my life who is together and is my friend first and foremost. Now, I’m ready for the ride.



@Ybbeige
www.barbarabeige.com
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Love, loss, hope and new love