The DeLorean vs the Faggot

Recently, I was waiting at one of those forever lights to make a left into the local grocery store plaza. You know the kind. The ones where there are somehow ninety different ways people can come and go? The ones where when you get there with the green arrow in your favor, you feel like you’ve won the lottery? Yea. One of those.

I got there just as my arrow turned red. But, it was okay. It was an absolutely beautiful day. Temperatures were in the mid 60s, skies were as blue as all get out, that fall smell was in the air, leaves on surrounding trees were vibrant in the warm palette. There was nothing remotely bad about the day.

So, I was just sitting there. Enjoying it all. When, in the opposite lane, I saw a glimpse of stainless steel. Could it be? Really? Stainless steel? Yep. There it was, driving past me. The confirming DMC on the front grill. I gasped or ooh-ed or something I’m sure of it. And I turned my head to follow it as far as I could swivel, trying to take it all in.

“Sweet,” definitely came from my lips.

It was a DeLorean. A DeLorean! You know, the car from the movie, Back To The Future? With Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly? Who goes back in a DeLorean time machine and has to get his parents to meet so he can be born? The DeLorean with the flux capacitor? And the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity needed to start it in 1955? The one with, “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads,” DeLorean? I happen to love DeLoreans. And, that movie.

I hope I never look that old when I get in and out of my DeLorean...

All that shiny, stainless steel. The clean lines of an Italian designed car. The gull-wing doors. It has gull-winged doors! Ooh, how I would love a car with those. You could squeeze into a parking spot with only a foot of clearance and get out with more room than you could with a “normal” door. And, I’d love to hear ‘psshhh’ every time I opened my door. Like I had been vacuum-sealed inside. Gosh, I hope that isn’t just a movie sound effect…

So, I’m still sitting at the forever light, windows half down, warm breeze blowing in, my mind buzzing about the DeLorean. Thinking back to how when I was a kid, the neighbor through the woods on the street way behind ours had one. Must have been brand new. It was the early 80s. The only time they were production made (totally brand new that is...they still make 'em!). I’d ride my bike over there often trying to catch glimpses of the car. I was mesmerized by it. Sure beat the giant “wood” paneled, gargantuan, behemoth of a station wagon we had in our driveway. Then, the movie came out in 1985…those were the days.

My dvd with sticker goop still on the cover. I'll have to scrape that off.

In my head I’m thinking how I can’t wait to tell Five Eleven about my spotting when I get home or even tweet about it. I’m honestly excited by it. Made my good day even better. But then, as I finally get the green arrow and the traffic beside me gets to go straight through, someone (in a non-descript, plain ol’ car) yells at me just as they are past me...

“Faggot!”

Really? Faggot? Directed at me? What? You wait until you are past me to call me that? Coward. Seriously still? Faggot? I’m blown away. Hurt actually. I guess coming out later in life and living in a progressive area, I was never exposed to such a derogatory remark. At least to my face (well, even this wasn’t that).

So, as I was waiting at the signal, thinking only good thoughts about one of my dream cars and playing movie quotes in my head, someone was behind me, focusing their energy on my rainbow peace sign, supportive gay marriage bumper sticker (which did pass and we do have legally in this state. Get over it), and thinking negative things. Really?

Obviously, they didn't read this one...

Were these what prompted the 'Faggot' slur?

Life is so short. And, as I know, your life and things you can do, can change in a moment. Why not focus on positives and world peace and treating all people nicely? You know, that fluffy bunny, happy rainbow stuff that I’m all about? Gosh, if only we could go back to the future and change things and perceptions. But, what would we use as a time machine?

@Ybbeige

http://facebook.com/barbarabeige

Story of love, loss, hope, new love & coming out:Unexpectations

Trippin’ Like Alice

I find that I like making analogies and comparing bits of my life to other things. A while back, I compared relationships to a ten-speedbike. As of late, I’ve been feeling like my life is like a fairy tale. I’ve got love in my life like a happy Disney movie. Yay. But, then, I’ve got JeffersonAirplane White Rabbit, swirly, non-sensical, 1865 Lewis Carroll, voodoo stuff going on too.

My inability to stay focused on any task at hand and the constant nausea and spinning in my brain has me feeling like I’m tripping like Alice in Wonderland. Not to mention the going from drug to drug to “help” with my post-concussive syndrome. I wish I could take a drug and just grow out of this or shrink out of it…either way…like Alice did. And, then, I’d be done with it all. But, no. I’m just so sensitive to meds. Most have made me feel more cloudy or foggy than I already am. And, I’m not really sure if they could cure it, but just lessen some side effects.

Teas sometimes help with headaches. I swear this one made with mushrooms
makes me have funky dreams. Look for them at your local Asian market.

Obviously, the whole story of Alice in Wonderland was like one big drug trip (though I’ve heard the author says otherwise). I’d like to say that I have personal college experience to compare it to, that I inhaled, but no, I’m your typical goody-two-shoes. A square. My closest comparison would be doctor-prescribed medicines. What I’ve experienced sounds like what friends have described at parties (at college or the like). I personally don’t like what I’ve experienced. My reaction is one of the reasons I fought so hard to have surgery without being put under.

I think, too, that I’m the type of person who experiences all those scary, horrible side effects that you hear on the commercials on TV. Who wants to have difficulty breathing, rashes, dizziness, seizures, bleeding, coma, heart attacks, stroke, urinary tract infections, thoughts of suicide, your bits falling off, death? Okay, I’m not sure about your bits falling off, but I’ve heard all the other ones mentioned and have experienced way too many side effects to be comfortable with. So, why would anyone in their right mind want to take something with those possible side effects? Death? Really? Good times. Neat.

I haven’t found that any of the drugs I took had benefits that outweighed the side effects I felt. Why would I choose to be groggy 18 hours after taking something to help me sleep? And, it didn’t even help me sleep, just kept me awake and groggy through the night. Thank goodness I have a sister who is a pharmacist. She’s been able to tell me that I’m having a reaction and how to stop (you can’t always go cold turkey). Are those allergic reactions what people like to experience? Is that the “high” that people talk about?

Oh, like carrying around little wax paper things of white powder doesn't look sketchy?
Five Eleven told me about this. I seriously thought she was doing something illegal.
It's a southern thing.

I used to be the person who would throw out their Advil and Tylenol because it would be outdated before I even came close to using a small bottle up. (Yes, my pharmacist sister is all about dates on meds). Now, I’ve used up those bottles trying to find relief for my headaches, but they have never actually taken the entire headache away.

Do you take meds for something? Do you find that they actually help you? Do you experience side effects? Do you like those side effects? Can you live with what you have without take any meds?

I’ve found myself having to live with new levels of headaches. What used to be a 4 or 5 (on the pain scale out of 10) when this whole thing happened, occasionally goes up to a 6 or 7 or even 8. Then, I have to wait until my body gets used to that new level and feels like a 4 or 5 again to me. Not fun, but what else do I do?

Generic Advil and Benadryl. Benadryl helps with nausea.
Just makes you sleepy unless you're one of the people it makes jittery.

I’m not all anti-drug, just so you know. I don’t mind some drugs. Allergy meds in the spring and Benadryl are my friends. When my doctor highly recommends something that may help me, I’ll now take her advice and try it. Even if I start with half of the most possible baby dose they make. And, one of these days, we might actually find something that works where I’m not trippin’ like Alice.

@Ybbeige

http://facebook.com/barbarabeige

There is mention of meds during childbirth in my book here

Everyone Is Damaged

A conversation with a friend today prompted me to come up with this. 

The rose is from Five Eleven from Valentine's Day.

@Ybbeige
http://facebook.com/barbarabeige
www.barbarabeige.com
Unexpectations on Kindle