Vignettes of the Spring Garden

I've been trying to take in more of this spring. I feel like I missed last year with my head injury and all. I still keep a journal of my daily things so I can remember what I did when I can't. Since I'm not on the go as much either, I'm learning to try to look at even the smaller things. I've always liked looking at them but I think that I really haven't had much of a choice. It's good though. Taking a moment to take in the beauty that nature has to offer. Seeing it. Breathing it in and then capturing it on film. (Well, the digital sort). Here are some shots of my garden that I'd like to share with you.

This is a fruit tree of some sort. I'm not usually a pink girl, but the blooms are
quite stunning. Then, I love when it has dropped its petals like colorful snow.

These grape hyacinths were among the first flowers that bloomed this year.

These bearded iris are such a sunny yellow color. Their scent is beyond
sweet. Reminds me of a woman. I picked some to enjoy inside. In the background
is cranesbill which some people seem to call geranium around here.

The peony (I stress the accent on the first syllable) is so heavy that you
really do need to support it with a peony ring or stake. Those fabulous graphic
leaves behind it are lance corporal fleeceflower.

This poor butterfly was missing a chunk of his wing. Despite the "bite," he seemed
to be getting about okay. He was here visiting the chive flowers.

A bloom of the rhododendron. There is a giant round bush on the corner of my yard.
Soon, it will be entirely pink and open.

These are some of the upper blooms that have fully opened on that rhodie.

These tiny red lichens (I'm guessing) grow on a stump that was left in my yard.
The equally tinyblades of grass caught the sunlight just so
 yesterday. It looks so Seussian to me.

This was my yard this morning before my neighbor so graciously cut it. I honestly
wouldn't mind this look, but others probably think it looks like a weed field.

White Siberian Iris along the driveway. My gay Subaru in the background. I love that car.

The non-descript flowers of the Solomon's Seal hang down from its stem.
Iris leaves and an elephant ear also catch the sun.

I had always heard that ants and peonies had a symbiotic relationship.
They kinda help each other out though their survival doesn't rely on the other.

Poppies glow in the sunlight with Siberian Iris in the background. They are
more purple than my Retro Camera app captured them.

When I found this little guy, I always thought he looked like a Moomin.
Moomins are characters from books by Tove Jansson that I loved in my childhood.
I still have quite a collection of them.

My mom gave us her collection of skunks for the garden. This little baby
is tucked in by mint, oregano and butterfly weed. Neighbors have passed by and said
they just may take them for their yard when we aren't looking.

Do you have a garden? Do you take the time to look at it? What are your favorite flowers or plants? Do you have a favorite tchotchke (or garden decoration) that you like? Please share below!

@Ybbeige
Erica Harding in Unexpectations loved to work in her gardens

But, You Look Fine…

One of the hardest parts of having this head injury has been fighting what others say. I wrote about it once and I’m still dealing with it. Since day one, I’ve heard, “But, you look fine.” For the most part, yea, I look in the mirror and see that same person that had been there before (minus a little spark in my eyes). I like to joke and say that I can’t help being so adorable…I was born that way. I guess if I had ended up splitting my head open and having some sort of disfiguring injury, I might elicit a bit more sympathy.

I may look fine on the outside. Inside...not so much.

It’s hard for friends, and even family, to look at me and think that I’ve got something wrong going on. “You look fine,” they say. What no one sees is the extreme thought and energy that I need to use now to accomplish even the simplest of tasks. When I have to focus and concentrate on doing something, I end up absolutely exhausted. Like I ran a marathon. I’ll have to take a nap that may be longer than the amount of time it took to do the task. Seems stupid, I know, especially when I used to be the Queen of Multi-Tasking. The previous me would think it was stupid too. But, to those with post-concussive syndrome, or PCS, this is normal.

Being able to take a short walk a few times a week is a success. I’m trying to work my way up to a mile. For me, that seems crazy. Especially when it’s on relatively flat ground, too. Like the beach. I miss my days of hiking. Doing the 4,000+ footers in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Going out on those trails that say they are only for the most experienced of hikers. The ones where if you fall in a crevice, you’ll need rope to climb out. The ones where if you fall, you have to do everything in your power to grab hold of a root or something to stop your sliding descent. The ones where you bring survival gear just because you never know what situation you’ll run into or what weather may blow in. Now, I walk a hundred feet or so and rest a few moments. You can’t tell me that isn’t frustrating.

This is a goal of mine...to be able to stand on top of a mountain again.

Admitting your limitations to yourself is hard. Knowing what you used to be capable of doing and comparing it to what you can do now is hard. I look like I should be able to walk any distance or even go for a run. I look like I should be able to work. I look like I could mow my own lawn. I look like I could go out in a noisy restaurant or bar and meet up with people. I look like I could be in a store for more than 40 minutes. I look like I could ride a bike. I look like I could vacuum my house without earplugs. I look like… I look like I could do a lot of things. But, right now still, I can’t.

A friend of mine, who is also a psychologist, has been a wonderful support in this whole, ‘But, you look fine’ thing. He has Lyme Disease. I’ll call him Jim. To the average person, Jim is a good-looking, normal guy. No spots, no bulls-eyes on his face. He’s smart and funny. He’s a normal Joe. Or, Jim. Because of the Lyme, he has fare-ups where he is absolutely exhausted, where his clothes feel like they’re made out of sandpaper, where he has excruciating headaches. But, he looks fine. People with cancer can also look fine, another friend pointed out. Ask them how fine they feel.

This isn’t a case of mind-over-matter either. It’s just a brain injury. A real, honest-to-goodness invisible injury that is just taking its own sweet time to heal. I know that I’m better off than a lot of people who have had concussions. And, I’m worse off than others. I’m thanking my lucky stars that I can still write and spell (though, I do actually mess that up often these days and as a writer and Boggle and Scrabble psycho, that’s tough). I can function on my own for most daily tasks. Thanks to all my friends who have helped me with the tasks I just can’t do. I can still drive. I can still laugh and smile, though I don’t always understand things like I used to. Especially if I wasn’t fully concentrating on what someone was saying.

So, if you see me, or someone else with a silent illness, give that person a little slack, or maybe a little help. Just because we may look fine, it doesn’t mean we really are.

Do you or someone you know “look fine” but aren’t and are going through a similar situation? Please share below.

@Ybbeige

http://facebook.com/barbarabeige

www.barbarabeige.com

http://www.amazon.com/Unexpectations-Barbara-Beige/dp/1457504162