Monday, November 28, 2011

Life is Like a Scary Movie

I’ve been talking with a few different people lately noticing similarities between their lives and mine. Besides us all being cute and fun and adorable people (insert winky emoticon here), we have all dealt with or are dealing with fear.

Most of what we are afraid of is the unknown. I heard a saying many years back that said, “85% of what we fear, never comes true.” Yea, yea, there’s that 15% left, you say. But, most of us wouldn’t bank too much on odds of only 15%. Eighty-five is a much bigger number to think about.

What do we worry about? Jobs and financial stability or lack thereof is at the top of the list. Many people aren’t making ends meet. And that is among friends who have shared with me that they make 20k a year, 75k or even 100k. Everyone’s life and life style is different. I’m not judging anyone on what they make or how they spend their money. We all have different needs and wants.

Then, there’s the knowing that you’ll be moving out or going out on your own and then trying to survive on your one income. Whether you’re leaving your parents’ house for the first time or leaving a marriage, it’s all the same. That’s scary stuff. Do you get a new job? Add a part-time job to the mix? Get creative with your art or writing or jewelry making and sell that? What do you do? All those things take initiative. There’s that first step. That first step can be scary. Really scary. What if you fall? What if you fail? Are you worse off than when you started though? So much to think about.

And what about relationships? I know people who are afraid of being alone all their lives. They get their monies worth out of dating from, that’s for sure. Are we better off dating lots and lots of people every single week until we find that absolutely perfect match? Is there really such a thing as a perfect match? How do you know when something really good may be in your life but you question if there is still something better? Do you lose out on that good thing by going out and looking?

How do you know if you are settling? Are you settling if you meet someone who is pretty darned compatible though they may be so unlike anyone you’ve been with before? What if you find yourself in a comfortable relationship now but you’ve had so many relationships that haven’t worked out? How do you know this one will last? How do you know it won’t? Do you fear taking the next step with this person and going head on into something that could be really positive because of how your past has been? This person is different than what you’ve known. You are different. Life changes us. It changes all of us. That’s a scary thought right there. I always hope it changes us for the better though and doesn’t really taint us or tarnish us too badly.

What about the relationships that we get into and we are fearful of getting out of? Even the relationships that we know are just plain bad for us? The relationships with the people who take and take from us and don’t give back? The ones who actually physically or mentally or emotionally abuse us? The relationships with the ones who drink excessively or cheat over and over again? The ones who use us? We usually stay in those situations because it’s so familiar to us. Fear holds us there. Fear of leaving. Fear of change. I was in a bad relationship like that before. For way too long. Years too long. I know getting out of it was the best thing I could have ever done. There was a heaviness there that I didn’t even realize was there until I was away from it. A weight was lifted almost instantly when I was finally in my own place. I will never get into a situation like that again. I know that I broke that fear once I left. The leaving a bad situation will never be a problem for me. Actually just knowing what I learned from that will keep me from getting into the same situation (I sure as heck hope so).

So, how do we know what is good for us? How do we know when to be afraid? When is something bad going to happen? When is the creepy critter going to jump out and scare the crap out of us in life? We don’t know. Things happen all the time. Bad things happen often. Accidents happen. People get sick. People die. Relationships end. Jobs disappear. Bank accounts get sucked dry. But, you know what? Good things happen too.

Good things happen every day. I choose to find something good in my life every single day. Many things actually. Today, I woke up beside a beautiful woman. We saw one of the most amazing sunrises of our lives as we left for work. I walked the beach this evening. And there I saw an amazing evening sky. I talked with a friend on the phone who offered to give me free passes to ride the train to and from Boston if I’d like. I got a refund check from my car insurance company in the mail. I came home to my house lit up all Christmas-y. I have wonderful people in my life. I may not be rich, but I’m appreciative of what I do have and I feel very abundant.

There are no guarantees in life. Things can jump out of the bog and pull you under at any moment. Scary stuff happens all the time. You can either keep running down the center of the road knowing that the fearful thing is right behind you (don’t you always wonder why people do that in the movies? As loud as I yell at them, they keep doing it) or you can duck off to the side, grab a weapon and slam that fear in the face. You can keep your scary movie if you’d like, but I prefer my new adventure flick with a little romance and comedy mixed in there. And, a big bucket of popcorn on the side.


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