Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Parasitic Twin or New Lesbian Lover? Hard to Tell the Difference

Oh, the zing you get from a new relationship! The pitter patters. The flush in your cheeks. The buzz in your loins. Yea, the sex is downright amazing. Best you’ve ever had. What more could you have asked for?

Sure, she lives four hours away. With tolls, gas and a few Starbucks, it’ll cost you a good hundred bucks just for the drive.

But, she’s worth it. She looked so cute on that dating site when you spotted her earlier in the week. Then after two days of emails and texts and one phone call, you met halfway to meet her cuteness in person. Of course it went well. You couldn’t take your eyes off hers. You wanted nothing more than to kiss those ChapStick lips of hers. And, because it was late and you’d both had a few drinks, you checked into a nearby B&B.

ChapStick is lesbian lipstick.

The roar of the fireplace, the hot tub, the soft sheets and fresh towels made you think you were in paradise. You both called out sick to work on Monday to make it last an extra day because you were just feeling it.

With stars in your eyes, you drove the two hours back to your home with the promise of her driving all the way to your place the following weekend. The next four days couldn’t pass by any slower. You’ve added her as a friend to your Facebook page. You both changed your relationship status to being with the other. You text and sext non-stop during those four days. You call on your way into work and on your way home. Then you talk late into the evening. All the while cooking and eating your dinners together and never hanging up…even to pee.

Then, Date Number 2 comes around. She makes it to your house on Friday evening after work (which she cut out a few hours early from). The passion starts all over again. More mind-blowing sex. Conversations that go until all hours of the night. Tangled bodies. Delivery Thai and pizza because you don’t want to waste any of your time together not being practically naked on top of each other.

You spend the next week talking about how much you have in common and how you’ve never felt this way before. Sexually. Spiritually. Anyway.

At Date Number 3, you’ve been together a whole two weeks. You’re definitely exclusive. No doubt about that. You go into her home. It’s clean like yours. Nag Champa is in the air. It’s okay, because you always burn Nag Champa. The kind in the blue box. Her home is painted in colors similar to yours. She has the same paper lamp from IKEA that you do. And, the same Marilyn Monroe poster. So much in common!

You've tried the gold box and the blue box. You seem to like the blue better.
As do your other lesbian friends. I like to get mine from Leapin Lizards.

As you pull her into you, you notice she’s wearing new GAP jeans. Your favorite brand. And, under those Sexy Boot cuts are Jockey underwear. The same kind you wear. What a coincidence!

Wow, you think. So much in the universe is mashing together. Little do you know, she is wearing her first pair of GAPs and Jockeys. And, she painted her home while talking to you on the phone earlier this week. Her new haircut is similar to yours. She has Yoga Journal and Curve magazines on her coffee table. Just like you.

The best ever lesbian magazine.
She cracks open a bottle of wine. As you sip it together, she gives you a tiny box with a pretty silver band in it. Engraved with both your names on the inside. She has one to match. “Marry Me,” she says as Train’s song plays in the background. A well-timed tune on her iPod which is followed by the Indigo Girls, Brandi Carlile and Catie Curtis. Some of your favorite lesbian artists.

You are swept away. In total love. You talk about what your wedding will be like. You talk about moving in together. Who makes more? Who has the more flexible career who could move? Everything’s okay, you make enough so you can support her while she finds a job in your area.

Date Number 4. She’s back at your place. You actually go out on the town to eat dinner and to show her off. So interesting how you both are wearing North Face jackets. The style is almost identical. You are a match made in heaven.

You know the logo. And, hey, they practically have a rainbow.

Or, are you? Stop. Look closely. Look at everything. Breathe. You are packing the U-Haul in your mind and you have been together less than a month. This is where lesbians can’t distinguish fact from fiction. It is all a blissful reality.

Your new lesbian lover is your wannabe twin. She wants to be like you. She dresses like you. She decorates like you. She has all the exact same hobbies as you. She loves all the same foods. She’s so ready to move in with you. If you don’t get to know her better before shacking up, you’ll see a side to her that is going to suck you dry. Or, maybe just suck. Emotionally. Financially. Spiritually. Oh, and the chances are the sex will probably become less than stellar. Forget about ever seeing any of your friends who are your exes too. It’ll be too much for her to handle. She’ll be too jealous. And forget about seeing any friends who you may not have dated. You won’t have time. You are her whole life. Why can’t you focus all of your time and attention on her?

So, the question is…Is this your new lesbian lover or your parasitic twin? And the answer is…
Married Woman Coming Out Story

To Picture or Not to Picture?

This is more of a note than what I’d call one of my traditional posts.

I’ve been adding pictures to some of my older blog posts and wanted to share them with you. Tell me what you think. Do the pictures make the posts better? Do you like lots of pictures to help tell the story? Are you a visual person like that? Or, do you prefer words only?

The Lesson of the Crocus

The Sensuality of Chocolate aka Your Cocoa Mistress

 Dim Sum and PDAs for Lunch

Touch. It Isn’t Just For Perverts Anymore

Please let me know what you think! Thanks.

The Lesson of the Crocus

Last week, just outside the door to my work, amongst the piles of snow, tens of crocus flowers bloomed. Having felt the extra warmth from this protected area against the old brick walls, they managed to burst forth from the newly thawed earth. This swath of spring color was so needed after such a long and snowy winter. With their sunny brightness, resembling the pastels of all things Easter, they seemed to give us hope. Spring was on its way.

These crocus outside my door into work always seem to bloom early.

But then, at the end of the week, the forecast called for another storm. We wondered what was to become of the flowers as they were to be covered by snow. The snowstorm came dumping 6 to 8 inches of heavy, wet snow across the area. Enough that most towns in the area had an April Fool’s snow day from school. More than a light blanket, it had a smothering weight to it. The flowers surely wouldn’t make it through this.

Days later, that snow melted, once again showing all the same beautiful crocuses. They did survive the drastic change of weight and weather on their tender petals. Delicate as they were, they showed a resiliency. Unexpected strength. If such a fragile and dainty thing can survive such a change on its being, why can’t we as human beings go through changes as easily? Why do we see the weight of problems as such a plight and finality while we are in them?

We should learn the lesson of the early spring crocus and stand tough because when the weight of the snow in our lives melts, we will once again be living as the strong, colorful and capable beings we know we truly are.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Breath in Time

Just going through some of my old poetry. If you and I were to ever date, expect a love poem from me. It's just what I do.

Has someone ever written a love poem for you? How did it make you feel?
I'd love to hear your comments! 

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Check out my novel at

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Old Lady Painter Music

I tweeted yesterday that a friend of my Oldest daughter said that my music was “Old Lady Painter Music.” I painted today (that’s what the interior designer side of me loves to do) and I listened to music. I tried so hard not to listen to “my music” today. I don’t think I liked it.

Some of it was okay. I liked Train, Pink, Florence and the Machine, Adele, Flo Rida, and Eric Hutchinson. I used my song-id app to find out that I liked Eric Hutchinson. Most of the music was just not to my liking. At least not to paint to. I guess I’m a classic rock girl. But, I do like other music. It really depends on my mood. I have come out of the 70s and 80s a bit...I like Lucinda Williams, Brandi Carlile, Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Ray LaMontagne…

So, was it my upbringing? And, why do some of my friends who are also in their mid-40s like the newer music? What happened to me? How do we determine our musical likes? Will I be listening to the same music genres for the rest of my life? I can picture myself driving down the road in my 80s with a head of white hair blowing in the wind with Journey or Talking Heads or Genesis (old Genesis with Peter Gabriel at the helm) or Heart or Jefferson Starship cranking.

My first real rock album.
These guys looks SO cool in their leather and fur jackets.
What was your first rock album?

If I think back to my youngest musical influences, I remember my parents buying me Mitch Miller albums. With sing-a-long books in them with songs like In the Shade of the Apple Tree and Goodnight, Irene that I can still hear my grandmother singing. Thank goodness for a Cool Uncle who got me my first rock album. Foreigner’s Double Vision. Yea, they were a local band from Rochester NY where I grew up; and I almost got to jam with the bassist who was friends with one of my drum instructors, but they were real music.

Yea, I still have one of those first albums. Don't ask me why.

I do have old country music in my blood too. Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, Willy Nelson, Emmylou Harris. Can’t help that. My dad would drag me to country bars or country jamborees when I was 16 and 17 to play drums with some of his friends. I haven’t really broken much into new country except for a few songs or bands. So, that brings me back to why am I still stuck in the past and some people are moving on? Or, are there others out there like me just happy with music we grew up with?

It’s comforting.

This is a song that Mary Selvidge wrote and sings called I've Seen Angels.

Some days I want to relax to the Eagles, Tom Petty, ELO or Fleetwood Mac. Other days, I want to rebel with Joan Jett or Lita Ford or Wendy O. Williams. And, some days are in between. Having CDs that I can switch out is better for me than having the unpredictability of the radio (unless it’s a classic rock station).

Now, if it is what we are exposed to, why is it that my Oldest likes classic rock with even harder AC/DC and Aerosmith thrown in there plus oddities like Laurie Anderson and Michelle Shocked that I also still listen to and my Youngest likes the new music that I tried listening to today plus new country?

Do your kids like what you like? What makes us like new music? Is it exposure? Will I get the hang of the new stuff? Will it grow on me? Or, will I just always be listening to Old Lady Painter Music? 

Please share your thoughts below or at

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Next Best Orgasm

The question of long-term relationships came up in conversation recently. I guess it is always a thought for me since I’ve got the Disney Princess hope for happily-ever-after always playing in my head. But take away the Disney and how long is long? Can a person be in a relationship that lasts forever? What if your forever is starting at 30 or 40 or 50 years old? That should still work, right?

Disney Princess Couple Image
Okay, if they can all find happily-ever-after, why can’t we? Image from 

I’m finding that couples who I thought had the perfect relationships are breaking up all around me. I’m also finding that, too often, one person has cheated on their partner and that contributed to the demise of the relationship. Other factors were probably in play, but that was the last straw.

Relationships are hard. They can become mundane. Almost boring. Even exhausting. They are mainly consisting of the day-to-day stuff. The coming home at the end of the day, making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, grocery shopping, taking care of the kids, walking the dog, the cleaning of the litter boxes day-to-day stuff. It’s no wonder people look outside their relationships and marriages when the most exciting thing of the evening seems to be cleaning toilets or folding clothes. 

*Scout-in Maine!: Labrador Retriever, Dog; Kennebunkport, ME
Time to walk the dog! This is Scout. He’s available for adoption at Lucky Pup Rescue.  

There is fun, excitement and adventure in the newness of another person. There’s the thrill of the hunt. Plus, the secrecy factor in being out together and not being caught. Those could all heighten the experience of being with someone new. Also, their problems don’t usually come up in a short-lived affair. They seem like perfect human beings. The sex is great, the passion is there. Everything seems perfect. As an added bonus, they think you are perfect too. Who wouldn't want that?

Great song with a similar theme by Mary Selvidge called Would It Matter. Would it?
Be sure to check out her other videos too. Country music at its best.

All that supposed perfection is so much better than what you have at home. Maybe things have gotten dull in the bedroom? Maybe the day-to-day doldrums have overshadowed the intimacy that you once had? Maybe sex is pretty much non-existent? Instead of trying to rekindle what you once had, why not just go out and look for something new? A better body? Bigger boobs? A harder dick? Isn’t that the easiest thing to do?

Who doesn’t want great sex? With a handsome or gorgeous partner? But, is an affair really the way to go? Too many people are out there dealing with the hurt and baggage that was put on them by a cheating partner.

And, if we do find that next best orgasm in a new lover, how long will that last? Is it really any better than what we once had with our mate? When the newness and excitement wears off, and when the problems come out…what’s left?

Oh, we all remember what happens with this affair...

Is that new orgasm worth giving up the loving relationship that you have with your partner or spouse? Something has to be said for the intensity of an orgasm when shared between two people who care for and love each other. That Big O goes through their bodies and their hearts more than just their loins. I want to experience a long-term relationship with someone whom I love deeply, where we do the day-to-day things together, where we are making a lifetime of memories together, where we find time for each other and create moments together for intimacy, passion and our next best orgasm.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Obviously Not

“I can obviously see that you’re married,” said the on-call doctor looking at my hands when I went in for a work-related injury this past week (don’t ask).

“Um…No. I just like rings,” I replied showing off the six silver rings on my hands and trying to figure out which one even slightly resembled a wedding ring.

Which one says wedding ring?

Half of them came from Mexicali Blues and the other half were gifts. One has mother-of-pearl in it, one has a microscopic diamond chip inserted into a swoosh. Still nothing wedding-ring-like.

An awesome store that I like to visit in Portland, Maine.
They do have other locations and have a great website.
Love to look at their silver jewelry here.

I guess we all make a lot of judgments and assumptions on a daily basis. He’s assuming I’m married. I’m thinking he’s a quack. Is there really any difference there?

ob·vi·ous  (bv-s)  adj.
1. Easily perceived or understood; quite apparent. See Synonyms at apparent.
2. Easily seen through because of a lack of subtlety; transparent: an obvious political ploy.
3. Archaic Standing in the way or in front.

Why do we do that? Why do we pick out differences in people? Aren’t we trained from a young age to do that? Remember learning opposites in grade school (or younger)? We like to think that we live in this politically correct society and think of everyone as equals and the same, yet we have to sometimes filter our own thoughts to find the newest proper term before we say anything aloud. That supposed equality isn’t that easy.

I do think, though, that all those differences in the world are what makes us so interesting. Gosh, how boring the world would be if we were all the same! What would we do without the Madonnas, the Lady Gagas or the Elton Johns of the world? And, hey, what about the me-s and you-s? There would be no obvious anything. We’d all be walking around the same. Dressing the same (who would choose?). Believing in the same thing (again, who would choose?), listening to the same music, eating the same foods, driving the same cars, living in the same ticky tack houses, watching the same shows, having all the same friends on Facebook. And so on and so on.

At first glance, not everything is obvious. And, yet, because things are so different, they are. Closer examination of the rings on my fingers tells you I’m obviously not married. Well, not yet. And, a closer look of things shows us the diversity and the just plain Wonderfulness of the world we live in. Isn’t that obvious?

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