Monday, August 29, 2011

Things I Learned Today … and all before 8:30 a.m.

1. It takes me 5 to 6 times before I'm comfortable driving to and from somewhere so I don't get lost. I was on my 2nd time back from Methuen, MA. I got lost.
2. 93n to 101e to 95n is not the preferred way. It takes much longer to get to Maine this way.
3. If I miss 495N again, I will turn around and try again. Despite 93 going north, it's not really my north.
4. I sleep better with a beautiful woman by my side.
5. I like the smell of aforementioned’s perfume on me when I leave.
6. Calvin Klein’s One smells way better on her than it does on me.
7. I don't like when there is a skip in my absolute favorite song on my favorite songs mixed cd.
8. Moose never seem to be in the roadway when the signs say to watch for them. And, if they were, can they read to know that they are supposed to be near the signs so we know?
9. Women who drive in vehicles with the personalized license plate 'Jett' look nothing like Joan. Nothing.
10. There are lots of dead skunks on Mondays.
11. The day has just started…I’m sure there are many more things to learn today.



Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Sensuality of Chocolate aka Your Cocoa Mistress

I woke up thinking about chocolate. Actually, I went to bed thinking about chocolate. And, how I wanted a piece but I had just brushed my teeth and was too tired to do it a second time. I wasn’t thinking about any old candy bar, but a piece of smooth, dark chocolate. The kind that just melts in your mouth and coats every taste bud with a rich sensuality. Sexy chocolate.

Bliss and Andes. Sexy dark or sexy mint.

I think as I’ve gotten older, I look at chocolate differently. As kids, when we got a chance to eat candy or chocolate, we’d eat it like we may never be given the chance again.

That’s one of the reasons why I’ve always had it out and available for my girls. It was never taboo. For them, they’d ask if they could have some M&Ms or whatever chocolate-coated goodness I’d have peering from clear storage containers on the kitchen counter. I’d put some in a little metal condiment or kitchen prep bowl for them. There was a ritual to it. A pleasure that wasn’t forbidden. To this day, if you come to my house, I always have an open selection of chocolates available. My girls occasionally ask (and, yes, they do still ask) if they can have some. But, they can also go days without it.

Even with a little bloom (that harmless white), a few Ghiradelli 60% chips are delightful.

The current selection of chocolates out and available in our house are various dark chocolate bars, Mallo cups, peanut butter cups (both milk and dark), Power Berries (yummy fruity filled chocolate goodness from Trader Joe’s), dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds and M&Ms – both peanut and plain. I always sort through them and throw out the blue ones. Why did they ever get rid of the light brown ones in lieu of the artificially, god-awful bright blue ones? Those aren’t chocolate.

So, back to that piece of chocolate I awoke thinking of… Does it hurt us to eat chocolate everyday? By the bus load? Probably. But, a small amount? No. I remember reading in Martina Navratilova’s book, Shape Your Self, that she’d treat herself to a small piece of chocolate every day. (And, how did I not know I was gay as a kid when I had a crush on her?) She wasn’t withholding, wasn’t eliminating something she took great pleasure in. I guess I’m the same way.

You so know this is your mistress. It has Her and She right in the name.

Everything in moderation. That’s been my theory to life and my diet for the last few years. I don’t not allow myself to eat things. I just pay attention to how much I eat. When you think of it, if you ate half a chocolate cake, it would start off good. Really good. But, when you finished it, you’d say, “Holy geez! (Or some other superlative). I didn’t need all that!” And, you’d be overloaded on sugar and your taste buds would be maxed out and you’d feel such guilt you’d not eat chocolate again for a month to punish yourself.

You will probably regret eating this entire bar. But a bite on the other hand...that's heaven.

But, with a small piece (or two) of quality chocolate every day, you can savor it in a way you can’t with half a cake. The experience of unwrapping it and perhaps breaking off a piece becomes part of the ritual. The initial taste of it on your tongue slowly grows to envelop your entire mouth. The creaminess of its melting continues into the back of your throat as you swallow it. Your body awakens. You find you lick your lips. The taste lingers even after you think it’s gone. There is a whole sensuality surrounding it. It’s like having just given a lover a long, passionate kiss goodbye. So, instead of reaching for another piece right away, enjoy that feeling. Or, you’ll have just invited a mistress into your home. And, that is never a good thing.


What is your favorite chocolate treat? Should it be a daily thing? Do you have a mistress in your home? Please share your comments!


Be sure to pop over and LIKE my page on http://www.facebook.com/barbarabeige. Thanks!

@Ybbeige
There's a chocolate sex scene in my book... Unexpectations

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Everything Happens For a Reason

Every day that passes I’m drawn to the conclusion that everything in my life happens or has happened for a reason. Everything.

From relationships to the smallest of events to one of the most significant life events fifteen years ago. If you had told me then that the loss of my son had reason, I would have adamantly denied it. What reason could there be to explain why I had to carry a full-term still baby inside me for two days before I could deliver him? What was the reason for me even losing him in the first place?

Now, I see that event as having significantly shaped me. It gave me the strength to get through anything life could possibly throw at me…and with relative ease…if I take the time to step back and put things into perspective. It gave me the knowledge and wisdom to share my story with the world. It was what prompted me to write Unexpectations. That novel couldn’t possibly have conveyed the same feelings and emotions without me having experienced such loss and tragedy in my life.

That loss has also made me appreciate my girls and all those around me. And, of course, it makes me appreciate each and every day I have on this earth and all the beauty and abundance that continually surrounds me. Life is so short and we never know when our journey will end. That event has given me reason to step back and be thankful for everything I have now.

People come and go in our lives, too, for many reasons. I was married to a man for almost 14 years and we were together for 7 years before that. Why? To have my beautiful girls. To show me that I can be in a healthy, long-term relationship with my best friend at the time. To know that what we think our path in life is, can change. To give us the courage to step out and find ourselves if we are on the wrong path.

I was also in a five year relationship with a woman after having left that marriage. It turned into the most beige and unhappy thing I could imagine. Reasons why I stayed for so long? To show myself that I was again capable of long-term commitment (which is very important to me when things are working between two people and the decision to move in together states away is made). I stayed because of the friendships I made with her friends and family. (At least I’ve maintained many of those still). I stayed because I don’t believe in giving up on a partner who is having health issues. But, now, I look at that relationship as a gauge. A gauge to watch out for my own needs too. I can’t just give and give and take care of someone without someone also wanting to take care of me.

A more recent relationship with a young and beautiful woman revealed to me that my heart could once again open to the thought of love and commitment. In the end, we were on two different pages for that, but my heart still opened after having been so hurt from Ms. Five Year. I thank her for that. The other thing that came out of that relationship was my eventual meeting of another woman that was in her life too. We had heard about each other from Young & Beautiful but didn’t know the extent of the relationship she was having with each of us. That just lead each of us to going out and trying to find the kind of relationship we really wanted. We each dated someone else before we found each other on Match.

Coincindence?  I think not. I think the timing of all that happened with Young & Beautiful led us on this path to meet. So, having found someone with such a similar background and way of thinking and needs and wants of the future is a good thing in my book. She is mature and sexy and beautiful and funny and the list goes on. We are just going to ride this wave. You know the one during the first three months that are filled with passion and excitement? We are going to enjoy it for all we can, but also work on building our foundation on friendship. Work on becoming best friends and true love will follow.

So, there are reasons why everything happens. Reasons to work towards a long-term relationship with a mature and beautiful woman with whom I totally click and fit with? Where friendship is the foundation. Where we have the understanding that we are there to enhance each other’s lives and not complete them. To join each other’s families and find the sheer joy in the day-to-day. To build memories all together. To come home to someone who appreciates you for you. To have someone who smiles whenever they see you. To climb into bed at the end of a long day with someone who only has eyes for you. Yea, they all seem like good reasons to me. Really good reasons.




Saturday, August 13, 2011

Two Plus Two

It’s funny how we see things sometimes. I’m beginning to think that I often see things as I want them to be and not how they really are. It seems to take a poke in the eye to get me to finally see things differently.

Recently, I learned things about someone that totally changed my idea of them. I thought this person was someone else all together. They projected on me what they wanted me to see about them. So many things were hidden.

I know we’ve probably all done this in a way before. When I was married to a man and realized who I was, it took me a while before I didn’t project to the world that I was part of this “perfect couple.” That’s how others saw me. Saw us. I didn’t do it for any malicious intent or personal gain though, other than doing it until I was ready to step out of my old self into my new world. And, the people who really needed to know, knew.

However, it amazes me to find out that people can cast an intricate web of lies and stories to lead you down a certain path that benefits them and only them. How do we not see this when we are in it? Maybe they’re the ones who should be writing the novels?

Sometimes it takes going back and scrutinizing facts and dates to get the real perspective. The obvious comparison of those facts and figures from another can help you solve the problem to the answers. The answers you subconsciously may not have wanted to know. But should have.

I know I’m na├»ve in that I trust people to be completely honest with me. And, why not? I consider myself to be an extraordinarily honest person and I expect the same of others in my life. Why can’t we be honest in our friendships and our relationships? There would probably be a whole lot less therapy needed in this world.

I don’t really want to go through life always suspect of possible deceit and dishonesty. I choose to see the good side. I now see that I may have to open my eyes a bit more and trust my intuition. If I get a pang that something isn’t right, I need to stop and think more closely as to what that pang may mean. But, I don’t want it to change my enthusiasm and my optimism for life and those around me.

Life is a learning experience and hindsight is 20/20. And, I will learn to see things differently. But to do that, I hope they don’t all take a poke in the eye.



http://www.barbarabeige.com/
@Ybbeige
http://facebook.com/barbarabeige

Monday, August 8, 2011

It's official...

Just wanted to post a little advertising for my website. http://www.barbarabeige.com/ I think my publisher did a great job putting it together. I hope that you check it out. Tell your friends and family about it too...word of mouth is the best form of marketing these days. And, thank you in advance for doing that! Unexpectations can be ordered on that page or through any bookstore! Woohoo!

Heartbreak 101

We all go through times in our lives when things seem so difficult. When sadness creeps in. When loss has happened. When our hearts break.

How can we get through the waves of overwhelming emotions that hit us? Tears flow uncontrollably and our hearts just ache as if they are actually breaking. I wonder how can my heart physically hurt like that?

I guess I can liken it to the pain of contractions during childbirth. Waves of intense physical pain take over every fiber of your being. They start with some time in between. But, then, that time shortens up until they just seem to hit you one after another without time to breathe in between.

Now, for loss and heartbreak, I’d say that’s opposite. The waves and pangs and pain we feel start off so close and fast. It’s hard to breathe in between the tears and hurt. With time, the waves finally start to lessen and diminish in strength and intensity.

So, then, time really does heal as they say. So does just trying to find something to smile about in between those moments of sadness. Little things. Anything. I find just the physical act of smiling can make me feel better.



We’ve all been through this. I’ve been through it more times than I’d like to admit. And, I have a feeling, it will happen again. More times than I want. I will get through it every time it does happen though. I have. I will. I know that I learn lessons from those times. I learn about other people. I learn about myself. I learn what I want, what I don’t want, what I need. It all just makes me stronger.

One of the things I have learned, too, is that we can’t regret anything. Every relationship leading to the loss has had good aspects to it. Yes, there might be some not so positive things that have happened…and those are our learning experiences. We also can’t control how other people feel. What was inside them that lead to what happened. We can only control ourselves and how we feel and act.

So, let’s focus on the positive of what was and take that good deep into our hearts to help us heal. Good thoughts and the good moments that happened are like little bandages putting us and our hearts back together. Tiny happy bandages, hope and time. That’s what heals hearts. And our hearts will heal.


What has helped you heal a broken heart? How long did it take? Please share your stories below.


@Ybbeige