Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Everything Happens For a Reason

Every day that passes I’m drawn to the conclusion that everything in my life happens or has happened for a reason. Everything.

From relationships to the smallest of events to one of the most significant life events fifteen years ago. If you had told me then that the loss of my son had reason, I would have adamantly denied it. What reason could there be to explain why I had to carry a full-term still baby inside me for two days before I could deliver him? What was the reason for me even losing him in the first place?

Now, I see that event as having significantly shaped me. It gave me the strength to get through anything life could possibly throw at me…and with relative ease…if I take the time to step back and put things into perspective. It gave me the knowledge and wisdom to share my story with the world. It was what prompted me to write Unexpectations. That novel couldn’t possibly have conveyed the same feelings and emotions without me having experienced such loss and tragedy in my life.

That loss has also made me appreciate my girls and all those around me. And, of course, it makes me appreciate each and every day I have on this earth and all the beauty and abundance that continually surrounds me. Life is so short and we never know when our journey will end. That event has given me reason to step back and be thankful for everything I have now.

People come and go in our lives, too, for many reasons. I was married to a man for almost 14 years and we were together for 7 years before that. Why? To have my beautiful girls. To show me that I can be in a healthy, long-term relationship with my best friend at the time. To know that what we think our path in life is, can change. To give us the courage to step out and find ourselves if we are on the wrong path.

I was also in a five year relationship with a woman after having left that marriage. It turned into the most beige and unhappy thing I could imagine. Reasons why I stayed for so long? To show myself that I was again capable of long-term commitment (which is very important to me when things are working between two people and the decision to move in together states away is made). I stayed because of the friendships I made with her friends and family. (At least I’ve maintained many of those still). I stayed because I don’t believe in giving up on a partner who is having health issues. But, now, I look at that relationship as a gauge. A gauge to watch out for my own needs too. I can’t just give and give and take care of someone without someone also wanting to take care of me.

A more recent relationship with a young and beautiful woman revealed to me that my heart could once again open to the thought of love and commitment. In the end, we were on two different pages for that, but my heart still opened after having been so hurt from Ms. Five Year. I thank her for that. The other thing that came out of that relationship was my eventual meeting of another woman that was in her life too. We had heard about each other from Young & Beautiful but didn’t know the extent of the relationship she was having with each of us. That just lead each of us to going out and trying to find the kind of relationship we really wanted. We each dated someone else before we found each other on Match.

Coincindence?  I think not. I think the timing of all that happened with Young & Beautiful led us on this path to meet. So, having found someone with such a similar background and way of thinking and needs and wants of the future is a good thing in my book. She is mature and sexy and beautiful and funny and the list goes on. We are just going to ride this wave. You know the one during the first three months that are filled with passion and excitement? We are going to enjoy it for all we can, but also work on building our foundation on friendship. Work on becoming best friends and true love will follow.

So, there are reasons why everything happens. Reasons to work towards a long-term relationship with a mature and beautiful woman with whom I totally click and fit with? Where friendship is the foundation. Where we have the understanding that we are there to enhance each other’s lives and not complete them. To join each other’s families and find the sheer joy in the day-to-day. To build memories all together. To come home to someone who appreciates you for you. To have someone who smiles whenever they see you. To climb into bed at the end of a long day with someone who only has eyes for you. Yea, they all seem like good reasons to me. Really good reasons.

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