Heartbreak 101

We all go through times in our lives when things seem so difficult. When sadness creeps in. When loss has happened. When our hearts break.

How can we get through the waves of overwhelming emotions that hit us? Tears flow uncontrollably and our hearts just ache as if they are actually breaking. I wonder how can my heart physically hurt like that?

I guess I can liken it to the pain of contractions during childbirth. Waves of intense physical pain take over every fiber of your being. They start with some time in between. But, then, that time shortens up until they just seem to hit you one after another without time to breathe in between.

Now, for loss and heartbreak, I’d say that’s opposite. The waves and pangs and pain we feel start off so close and fast. It’s hard to breathe in between the tears and hurt. With time, the waves finally start to lessen and diminish in strength and intensity.

So, then, time really does heal as they say. So does just trying to find something to smile about in between those moments of sadness. Little things. Anything. I find just the physical act of smiling can make me feel better.

We’ve all been through this. I’ve been through it more times than I’d like to admit. And, I have a feeling, it will happen again. More times than I want. I will get through it every time it does happen though. I have. I will. I know that I learn lessons from those times. I learn about other people. I learn about myself. I learn what I want, what I don’t want, what I need. It all just makes me stronger.

One of the things I have learned, too, is that we can’t regret anything. Every relationship leading to the loss has had good aspects to it. Yes, there might be some not so positive things that have happened…and those are our learning experiences. We also can’t control how other people feel. What was inside them that lead to what happened. We can only control ourselves and how we feel and act.

So, let’s focus on the positive of what was and take that good deep into our hearts to help us heal. Good thoughts and the good moments that happened are like little bandages putting us and our hearts back together. Tiny happy bandages, hope and time. That’s what heals hearts. And our hearts will heal.


What has helped you heal a broken heart? How long did it take? Please share your stories below.


@Ybbeige

Famous for a Difference

I'm feeling like I need to clarify on my earlier post. We began talking today at work about doing things and becoming famous. One of my coworkers said she had fame in her 40s with her art; but it was too much. She prefers the simpler life of now.

I know that I said I wanted to be famous. But, I don't want to be famous for famous-sake. I want to be known so that I can be a role-model or set an example or help other women.

When I started writing my novel and I figured out that I was gay in the process, I knew back then that I wanted to make a difference. And that I could make a difference. It's scary going through what I went through. So many thoughts go through your head. You see your life and the world as you know it torn apart. Your day-to-day life with a husband and kids just totally changes. That ease of daily routine will no longer be the same. You feel like you're alone when you have those feelings. The "Oh my god, I can't be gay, can I?" thoughts and feelings. "I'm a married woman. How can this happen to me? What will my life be like if I admit to the world that I'm a lesbian? Do I have to tell anyone? How will it change my world?" And on and on...

Now, my book isn't just geared to women contemplating coming out. It's a story for women. It's a story about love and loss and hope and more love. If my desire to be famous has any impact, be it that more women hear of my story. Then, I hope they know that they can get through situations that seem hopeless. Situations that seem totally devastating like the loss of a child. Situations where you aren't sure if you even want to live any more. Trust me, I've been there myself. I explain some of those feelings in my book, Unexpectations. But, if I can instill hope and the desire to live in even just one person; to show someone that there is a happy at then end, then I will feel like I have made a difference in this world and that being famous isn't so bad.

Writing As a Journey

Maeve Binchy wrote in her book The Maeve Binchy Writer's Club about how, "A book is a journey." To me, that is so true. Writing my book, Unexpectations, has taken me on quite a journey. I started writing it as a form of therapy years after having a stillborn son. I was just trying to get my feelings out on paper. Those feelings turned into a fictionalized version of my experience which I decided would become a novel.

I developed characters. I researched locations. I outlined chapters and plots and listed all that would happen. And, then, as I was writing it, the ending took a completely different turn than what I had intended.

As with any journey, things change. In the process of my writing, the main character, Erica Harding, began taking on a voice in my head that seemed to totally veer from what I had outlined for her. I followed what she said to me. I started researching the lesbian path that she was taking me down. With interest, of course. After a period of time of writing and researching, I had one of those "aha moments" and realized that my character was me. I was the one needing to go down that path too. When I came out to my writer's group, they all said, "Yea, we knew that a while ago." What? Why was I the last to know?

Writing this book has totally changed my life but I feel like it has been for the better. I healed my heart from my loss (as much as a heart can heal from the loss of a baby) and I came out from what seemed to everyone as a perfect marriage. Life hasn't exactly been what I thought it would be. Even with hardships and things I've endured since then, I know that I am who I'm supposed to be. Isn't knowing that what much of our journey in life is all about? Things can only get better from here. The journey is still on...


Follow me on Twitter @Ybbeige
Unexpectations Kindle version