Dim Sum and PDAs for Lunch

So, Friday, I went out for lunch with my Sweet-Smelling Girlfriend. Dim Sum. My first time having that.  Besides the shrimp dumplings, the steamed greens were my favorite. Bok choy? Broccorabi? Not sure what it was exactly but with the sweet, thick soy drizzled on them they were scrumptious. So were the kisses I gave my Sweet-Smelling Girlfriend the moment we got back in her car in the parking lot.

“We’re being watched,” she announced after looking out of the corner of her eye. I paused and pulled away from my amorous advances. Sure enough, kiddy corner from us, were three pairs of eyes. A mother and a young son (about 9ish) in the front seat of their van, and a young girl¸ I’d put her at 14 or 15 tops, smoking a cigarette and leaning on the hood of their van. Obviously, not old enough to be legally smoking. But that wasn’t stopping her and neither was her mom. My gaydar immediately went off with her though.

The Young Cigarette Lesbian yelled something. I sure as heck wish we had heard her. We did hear the mother yell back, “Don’t mind her, she’s being fresh.” We just smiled and I waved. I was not embarrassed or ashamed of our behavior one bit. What we were doing did not require a room (which is a possible shout out that she may have said, though I’m hoping it was a ‘you go girls!’). I gave my Sweet-Smelling Girlfriend one more kiss in the open and we left so she could get back to work. Our dim sum and kissing lunch break was over.

Dim Sum sampling.

Maybe I’m different than most people. Okay, strike that maybe. I am different. I so know I am. I believe that people should show their affections for others openly. I’m all about public displays of affection (aka PDAs). I enjoy seeing the physical connection two people are sharing. Whether it be new love or mature love holding hands while walking or touching an arm during sweet conversation. Yes, there is an over-the-top amount that should not be shown in public. I think what most people think is appropriate though is so Walt Disney.

My choice would be to push these PDAs to another limit. I use Italy as a gauge. When I was in Italy, I was struck by all the times I saw couples totally entranced with each other. The passion of their kisses, their embraces, their looking at one another and smiling or laughing between the affection (which is really all part of the affection), made such an impression on me. It was how I always believed love should be and shown between two people. Of course, the back drop of the amazing cliff sides descending down to the sea and the quality of light of Naples didn’t hurt either.

So, why are people not as affectionate out in public as they may be in their own homes? Are they affectionate in their own homes? Do we take enough time out of our lives to show our affections? Are we worried about what the children may think? What if the children could see that there is a possibility that love does exist between two people? Divorce rates are so high and I think people and kids especially lose faith in the possibility of love. What do they think about with their own futures? Do they think that relationships and love are not permanent?

Today, people don’t seem to stay in relationships as long. I’m not sure if they are always thinking there is something better or different out there, especially during trying or difficult times. Sometimes, there are reasons why relationships shouldn’t last and that is okay too. But, if there is a good connection, a scary thought for me is that people aren’t physically showing each other the love they have by being affectionate in their own homes.

If couples were allowed, or more open, to show their affections freely throughout each and every day, maybe things would be different? I don’t care if they are gay or straight. (I was in a gay marriage legal state by the way). They would be constantly reminding their partner of the love they have for them. They would be showing the world their commitment. They would be putting out good vibrational energy to the universe. They would be making their lunch breaks from work all that much more interesting than just dim sum.

Getting Rid of Labels and Just Being

I have a friend who is teaching me about labels. How we are labeled in what we do and who we are. She doesn't like the thought of being labeled in any way. Whether it's how she describes herself or if she's in a relationship or not or how she feels about something. She just wants to be.

I know I've mentioned before that I don't see why people have to be labeled as gay or lesbian. Why can't we just love who we want to love without calling it anything?

Society is really to blame for labels. It wants us to divide into neat little groups. You're a this and I'm a that. We can fill those blanks in with many categories. But all those groups and their labels seem to stand out from one another. Some people start thinking that their group is better than another group. Next thing you know, they want to change that other group (or groups) to be more like them. Why not just accept people and things for who or what they are? Embrace the differences. Embrace the uniqueness. Embrace the being. Seems to me, this is why we've had fighting and wars and persecution and hatred for so long. Because we're labeled. Shouldn't we be learning from the past and from these labels? What is the point of studying history if we can't make changes and move ahead in our collective thinking?

What if we all just were? What if we all did things without feeling like it needed to be done in any certain kind of labeled way? What if we all just went about our days being us? We'd obviously still have to put into practice being good human beings. But, what if we did practice just being that?

I know I've heard this before. Maybe we all have? I know, for one, that I need to hear things a few times before they start making sense and sinking into my being. But, the point is that, it is sinking in now. You can teach an old dog (though this dog isn't even 44) new tricks. We just have to know that this is a better way of life. A better way of being.

I'm going to try harder to make this change in my own life. I want to enjoy life for what it is. I want to enjoy people and relationships for who and what they are in the moment and not worry about the labels. I'm just going to be.

Coming Out...It's a Scary Thing

I caught a few minutes of a show on NPR radio last night about Matthew Shepard. How he was taken from a bar, brought out to a desolate area, tied up to a fence, beaten and left for dead. He was found the next day, but died a few days later from his wounds. All, because he was Gay.

I'd heard about Matthew before. And, others who have been beaten or killed because they were gay. And, every time, my heart would ache. The thought of people hurting other human beings because of this (well, for any reason) sickens me. I've always felt this way - even before I realized I was gay.

Being gay is no different to me than being a man or a woman or being black or white. It just is. It's how you're born.

You're probably thinking, but you weren't born that way? You came out in your mid-30s. Hindsight is 20/20. I can tell you a time when I was 4 years old where I knew I was gay. If I was gay at 4, I was probably born that way.

I wish people knew how hard it is to come out and to admit to the world that you're gay. (If we were all just accepted for who we were, coming out wouldn't even be an issue). There is tremendous turmoil that we deal with inside ourselves. A lot of it has to do with how we think our families or society will accept us. And, what if they don't? We aren't any different from who we've always been, but we will be viewed differently from that moment on.

We lose friends. We lose family. The hurt of this can be overwhelming. Many gays and lesbians turn to alcohol or drugs to ease the hurt and all those feelings. Why are we put down and viewed differently just because we love someone of the same sex? It wasn't even a choice for us. It just is. It's who we are. Why is there anything wrong with that?

Rejection of any sort is hard. No one likes it. And, then, when you can't help but be who you are, you're rejected. Does my loving another woman really have any impact on you and your life? Why should it be any different than the impact any man and woman have on anyone else when they are in a healthy, loving relationship?

Love is love. If we had more love, it could only make this world a better place. It's sad that people can't always openly express to society who they love. It's even more sad when people are beaten or even killed because of who they want to love. Would you do or say something about yourself knowing that that is a possibility? How scary is that? How scared would you be knowing that you could be hated, beaten or killed for being yourself?

I hope I never have to face such physical hatred with my being so vocal about who I am (I've already dealt with the emotional hurt). I'm going to continue to speak out and write about it though until everyone who wants to be out, can be out. It's a risk; but this is who I am. It's how I was born. I'm just me. And, I always will be me. No matter who I love.


@Ybbeige
Unexpectations...a bit of my story

Famous for a Difference

I'm feeling like I need to clarify on my earlier post. We began talking today at work about doing things and becoming famous. One of my coworkers said she had fame in her 40s with her art; but it was too much. She prefers the simpler life of now.

I know that I said I wanted to be famous. But, I don't want to be famous for famous-sake. I want to be known so that I can be a role-model or set an example or help other women.

When I started writing my novel and I figured out that I was gay in the process, I knew back then that I wanted to make a difference. And that I could make a difference. It's scary going through what I went through. So many thoughts go through your head. You see your life and the world as you know it torn apart. Your day-to-day life with a husband and kids just totally changes. That ease of daily routine will no longer be the same. You feel like you're alone when you have those feelings. The "Oh my god, I can't be gay, can I?" thoughts and feelings. "I'm a married woman. How can this happen to me? What will my life be like if I admit to the world that I'm a lesbian? Do I have to tell anyone? How will it change my world?" And on and on...

Now, my book isn't just geared to women contemplating coming out. It's a story for women. It's a story about love and loss and hope and more love. If my desire to be famous has any impact, be it that more women hear of my story. Then, I hope they know that they can get through situations that seem hopeless. Situations that seem totally devastating like the loss of a child. Situations where you aren't sure if you even want to live any more. Trust me, I've been there myself. I explain some of those feelings in my book, Unexpectations. But, if I can instill hope and the desire to live in even just one person; to show someone that there is a happy at then end, then I will feel like I have made a difference in this world and that being famous isn't so bad.