Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Don’t Bite My Junk aka Things in Your Toilet

Do you ever get a creepy thought in your head that just won’t go away? Five Eleven told me that she was always afraid of a hand coming up out of the toilet. I had never thought of that. I had heard of snakes doing that and really only worried in the summertime (when snakes would be out). But, now, I have to worry about hands coming up to grab me while I’m peeing? What the?

If only the critters we needed to worry about were of the plush kind.
How about that scary Kandoo lizard on the tank? Can't get much cuter than that.

If I think of the design of toilets, this is nearly impossible, but when one is fearful, one doesn’t think rationally. Now, Five Eleven grew up with an outhouse most of her childhood. By a “crick” (we pronounced creek that way too) and a holler (I only knew that term from a Loretta Lynn song). Imagine a rickety old outhouse with a few holes in a bench kind-of-thing in the middle of nowhere (well, by the edge of some creepy woods). Yea, I could see a hand coming up from that. No thank you.

This is also why I don’t watch scary movies. I have enough of an imagination. Five Eleven loves scary movies. I told her that I’d watch them with her only if she’ll protect me (like a good Butch should) and not freak out if I scream or jump while watching them. And, only if she doesn’t have to be away for work immediately following the watching of any scary movies.

I Googled things in toilets and found quite a list. Many of these sightings have happened in other parts of the world, but depending on cracks in your pipes, they could happen anywhere.

Snakes. Yep. Snakes are definitely on the list. All kinds of snakes. Ten foot boa constrictors. Water moccasins. Pythons. I knew that.

Rats. These are just furry critters with a snake on their butt.

Baby possums. See the description for rats above. Same thing. They’ll also come down your vent pipes and end up in your toilets if they don’t swim there.

Carnivorous lizards. Yea. Because we don’t have enough meat-eating reptiles in our lives trying to nibble on our junk.

Frogs. Like the skies sometimes rain frogs, they can be found anywhere, including in our toilets. Frogs like water. Our toilets contain water. That’s all you need.

One other critter to watch out for…just because that list isn’t long enough…are spiders. They like to hide under toilet seats. Isn’t that a lovely thought? And, not always just regular spiders, but deadly spiders of course. Black widow spiders and brown recluse fit that bill in the US. Swell.

So, now, with the thought of creepy critters in my toilets and documented cases of creepy critters in other peoples’ toilets, I won’t worry so much about the hands coming up to grab my bits. I just now turn on the light at night and do a little check. And, that could be a good thing. My junk will thank me.

What are you afraid of coming out of your toilet? Or, had you not even thought of it until I mentioned it? (Sorry if that was the case.) Have you ever had a creepy critter in your toilet or bathroom? Please share!


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