How Big is Your Beaver?

So, the other day, Five Eleven showed me the cutest Youtube video. It was called ‘Beaver waves hi to a little kid.’ I’m trying to figure out if the beaver was slipping off the glass and it looked like it was waving, or was it actually waving? Can we now add beavers to the realm of animals like dolphins and chimpanzees?

I know they are curious animals. I remember canoeing alone in a small New England lake once and I was stalked by a beaver. I could see it watching me. It would be on one side of me, then next thing I know, it would be somewhere else. Then, I’d unknowingly get too close to its next spying spot and it would slam its tail on the surface of the water and scare the bejeebees out of me.

I’ve always liked beavers but that term has more than one connotation. And, yes, I like all the definitions. Beaver, as the critter Castor canadensis here in North America, or beaver, as a reference to the female genitalia.

I have never got a picture of a beaver, just beaver dams. Because, as I said,
they'd probably scare the crap out of me and I'd drop my camera in the water or something.

So, that brought me to another memory. Once upon a time, I was on the Board of Directors for an environmental group. We were having a meeting with the woman who would be the new Project Coordinator, a position I had previously held for many years. (I may have to write about that in the future and how I beat Al Gore out for an environmental award we were both in the running for. My resume actually says exactly that. “Beat Al Gore for Environmental Award.” Not everyone can say that.)

Anyway, our small Board was gathered in a casual setting with big comfy leather furniture, because that’s what kind of group we were. Our new Project Coordinator was telling us about her collection of taxidermy animals that she had (with the license to actually have them). Since her role would be going into schools and teaching kids about being good earth stewards, I thought this was a wonderful addition to have. She told us about the kinds of animals she had, which honestly, I can’t remember anything else but one. The beaver.

Sorry I don't have any more exciting beaver pics than this.
Came out of a giant ClipArt book I have.

I was so excited that she had one and I knew they could vary in size from about 35 to 75 pounds. So, without thinking, I asked her the question that could only be brought up in this exact situation. The question that would otherwise only be used in some skanky sex chatroom.

“How big is your beaver?”

I’m sure she answered me, or us, at the time. I, however, was so distracted by one of the other female Board members who suddenly left the room without even excusing herself, that I couldn’t tell you the answer. At a break soon after, I went outside to check on her. We’ll call her Lisa. Lisa was outside in the cold, brisk air. Tears were streaming down her face.

I went to console her because that’s what I do, but soon realized that she was crying because she was laughing so hard. You know when someone tries to tell you something so funny and you can’t understand what in the heck they are saying because they are laughing so hard and you end up laughing with them just because they are laughing? That’s what happened.

Yea. It was one of those moments. When I finally got the gist of why she was laughing, like her, I was now an uncontrollable mess. All I could think was, ‘Oh my god! How could I not have realized that I asked another woman how big her beaver was?’

I think, in this rare instance, in this moment of taxidermy conversation, that this was the only moment in the history of mankind where one woman could honestly and innocently ask another, “How big is your beaver?” You try that, Al Gore.

@Ybbeige

http://facebook.com/barbarabeige

www.barbarabeige.com
Married Woman Coming Out Story

A Little More Green

My youngest daughter and I just watched the film, An Inconvenient Truth: A Global Warning. I know, I know…the movie, by Al Gore, has been out since 2006. Somehow I never got around to seeing it. But, it caught my eye on the shelves of limited dvds from our local library. I’m so glad that I did see it. And so is my ten year old.

I think I wished I had seen it sooner now, though. With the photographs and data that Gore showed on global warming, the impact of CO₂ emissions and glacial melt, I’m sure much has even changed in the last five years on our planet. What we watched was downright scary at times. Little one said that parts of it made her sad. I’m sad that I haven’t had the opportunity to travel much and see parts of our world in the state they had been in. Who knows what another five years will bring?

It is kind of scary to think what mankind has done to our planet. Especially in the last 50 years. I have always been a lover of the outdoors and nature. I actually worked in the non-profit environmental field for almost ten years. In that time, I saw how difficult it was to change, sway, affect, educate, do whatever I could do, to help protect a brook that ran through a city of 43,000 people.

I admire Al Gore for what he’s doing. He’s had the tenacity to stand by what he believes in…in protecting our earth for as long as he has (and he’s been at it for a while). He’s trying to spread the word, like I was doing, but on a global level…to millions and even billions of people. And I thought trying to reach 43,000 was like pulling teeth at times. I wonder how he feels?

With this work, sometimes there is thanks. In 1999, I won a Watershed Award for the work I had done in promoting environmental education and stewardship. My competition for the award? Al Gore. The same man, that won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007 for his environmental work. Not too shabby, I’d say.

I haven’t given up hope and I still try my best to protect the environment though I’m not in a visible, public role anymore. Without being too preachy, I’d recommend that everyone watch An Inconvenient Truth. If you saw it in 2006, watch it again. It’s an eye-opener for families too. We had lots of times where we’d pause the movie and discuss a question or issue that came up in it. At the end of the film, there are real suggestions of what we, as individuals, can do. They also suggest checking out their website http://www.climatecrisis.net/ that gives more tips. Little one and I checked out our carbon footprint on it vs. the national average (it’s “much smaller” by the way).

We are all on this fast track forward of accomplishing goals in our own lives. But, without a sound and stable planet, what’s the point? If we can all do little things, they will add up to make a big impact. I want to be a part of that. I want it for my kids. I want it for my grandkids. I want it for all of us. We are all pink on the inside. There’s no reason why we can’t be a little more green on the outside.