I’ve always been the type of mom to explain things to my
kids and they’ve always been the type of kids to ask questions. Sometimes I
think they might regret that. Both the explaining and the asking. But, hey, how
are they going to learn anything?
This summer was mostly the summer of Little One asking the
questions. Little One is 11. Closer to 12 than 11 (which is a big deal when
you’re 11). But questions lead to teaching moments. Usually moments that
horrify Oldest. I could tell this by the eye rolls. This could also be known as
The Summer of Eye Rolls.
It all started off on my birthday while watching a most
funny movie, The Great Outdoors. Now,
we had seen this before and my girls really dislike “stupid funny movies,” as
they call them, and they were hoping to never see it again. But, my dear
friend, Named After a Thai Dish, was over and the girls gave her “guest choice”
of movies to watch (while we ate incredibly delicious German chocolate cake
baked entirely from scratch by Oldest). To their horror, Auntie Named After a
Thai Dish, chose The Great Outdoors.
Yes! Birthday wishes do come true!
 |
| German chocolate cake made by Oldest. I like it without the pecans. Started doing it that way when I was allergic to them. About the time I came out. Allergic to nuts and men all at once. Imagine that? |
So…during the movie, there was a scene where Connie Ripley
(played by Stephanie Faracy) and Kate Craig (played by Annette Bening) were
talking and there was mention by Kate that the only way she thought she could
get pleasure was by leaning against the washer during the spin cycle.
And here’s the question...What does the spin cycle mean?
Pause the movie…
And, there’s the eye roll…
Then, the explanation…
 |
| Giant steaks with fat and grizzle, water skiing, freaky twins, raccoons....what's not to love? |
Auntie is a science teacher so she could have been backup
info but I think a second piece of German chocolate cake was calling to her at
that very moment from the kitchen.
I thought it went without a hitch. I’ll have to remember
that spin cycle thing…my Maytag has a spin cycle that shakes the house like a
shuttle launch…hmm…most excellent thought…
 |
| I'm not sure any of us can look at our washing machines the same way now... |
The glittery gold packaging was quite a draw to Little One’s
eyes (she’s my bling girl).
So, after the question of what is it, I start to explain
that it is used on genitalia during sex and that some people like that
sensation… and a woman walks down our aisle. If Oldest rolled her eyes anymore,
they’d have been stuck forever in the back of her head. She was probably ready to die inside
now with someone else to hear my explanation. Besides her thinking, “Who is
this woman who claims to be my mother and why does she keep talking?” I’m sure
what I was saying was sounding Chinese to her at that very moment, except for
the words like ‘genitalia’ and ‘sex.’ Those were broadcast over a loudspeaker
in English.
Okay, so they know what warming lotion is now anyways.
Now, another question came up during on of my favorite
movies, Tomb Raider (now also one of
Little One’s favorite movies). There is a scene with the naked (and pretty
smokin’ body as far as men go) Alex West (played by Daniel Craig) and
well-positioned chairs or boots worn by Lara Croft (played by Angelina Jolie).
At the end of their conversation, West mentions he now needs a cold shower.
 |
| I don't know what's sexier...the wet and naked Daniel Craig or Angelina's boots. Okay, I'm going with the boots. |
“Why?” asks Little One.
Eye rolls from Oldest (as she dies just a little bit more
inside).
Explanations of hard penises and the effect of chilly water
on them from me.
Back to the movie like nothing happened.
Don’t even get me started on explaining the play-on-words
phrase, Cunning Linguist, said by Moneypenny to James Bond in Tomorrow Never Dies. Yea, it was that
kind of summer.
Do your kids ask
questions? Do you answer?
@Ybbeige
Hahahahahahaha
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