Sunday, March 18, 2012

Dating Butterflies or Attack of the Locusts?

I was talking to a friend about dating last night. She hasn’t been on a date since her husband died six years ago. I’m trying to coax her back into the dating scene. If you haven’t dated in six years or even six months, it can be scary.

She remembers back to her dating days and how hard it can be. You make connections. Maybe from an online dating site. You email. You text. You might talk on the phone. You go on a date. Maybe more. All in hopes of meeting someone who would be compatible with you. And you with them. Isn’t that the hope? Finding happily ever after?

Sometimes, it seems to work. You have that feeling when you first meet someone and find yourself instantly attracted to them. This could be the one, you think. Your heart races. You feel warm all over. Your stomach flips. You feel butterflies.

Aahh...those pretty butterflies...

So, you go on more dates. You spend more and more time together. Things come up. Good things. Bad things. Little red flags may appear. But, they’re little. You overlook them. You focus on the good that you see in that person.

Things may get serious. There is talk of the future. But then, as my Six Years Single Friend described it, those initial butterflies turn to locusts. And not the few in your belly. We’re talking like the plague of locusts here. Get the can of Raid out and get the heck out of Dodge!

Plague of the locusts.

It’s a wonder why we try it again after we’ve been subjected to the locusts. I think it’s just part of human nature to want to be with someone. We all want to be loved, appreciated and have companionship. So we keep at it until we find that perfect someone who will make it all worth our time. That someone who gives us butterlies.

Sometimes the bugs in our lives are bigger than we want.
This is actually a giant bug sculpture at Garden in the Woods in Framingham, MA.

 So, go out there and find some butterflies, my friend! Just run like hell if the locusts come to town!

Have you experienced the locusts? Care to share? Comment below!

My Chick Read


  1. I met my lover 23 years ago through an ad in the Village Voice. Back in the days before internet dating, we had to write a letter - on paper - with a pen, and walk to the mailbox to mail it. She got 34 replies to her ad and I was the first (and only) one she called. What can I say? I'm a writer. I give good letter. LOL!

    Red flags and locusts? Believe me, we had our share. Perfection doesn't exist. Stop looking for it. Instead, look for tenacity, willingness, and good teeth. Dental work is really expensive.

    There's your advice from a genuine advice columnist/novelist.

    Denise DeSio - Author of Rose's Will

  2. Denise, Great advice! I know perfection isn't out there. So, you're absolutely right in that we can't look for it. It's the little quirks about another that makes them most interesting anyway. Congratulations on such a long lasting relationship. That's what most of us are hoping for. I'll be sure to check out Rose's Will, too. Thanks!

  3. ...and the big quirks suck! LOL! BTW, The part of Glory in Rose's Will is based on my experience. From what you've written about yourself, it seems like we are somewhat alike.

  4. As a writer, it's great to put ourselves into our characters ("write what you know"). I did the same with Erica in Unexpectations. I look forward to reading about Glory in Rose's Will. Thanks for sharing!


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